Week 12

What do Barbra Streisand, Donna Summer and Ozzy Osbourne have in common with Johnson’s baby shampoo? “No more tears” I hear you say. And that’s exactly what my stance has been this week.

My hip has been extremely painful and the snail-paced progression is highly frustrating, but, progress is progress, so I shouldn’t complain. In order to complete my daily exercises, I’ve had to consume a medicinal concoction, and even then it was tough. Hands down, the hardest and most painful homework exercise was crutch-less walking. As instructed, I attempted a few steps every day and each time I hoped that that the pain would slowly subside. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. It didn’t get any easier, and the pain was so intense that despite consciously trying to avoid limping, all my body could manage was a limp. It wasn’t a total fail though, as all this practice enabled me to successfully master one-crutch walking. When I demonstrated this to Debs on Thursday, she was over the moon and agreed that I’m officially down to one crutch whenever I go out. Then, when she asked me to walk to her without crutches, I somehow managed it with not a limp in sight. It was still pretty painful and worsened with every step, but for the first time in three months, I managed an actual walk on land. From the back I bet it looked quite convincing, but as I walked to Debs, my constant wincing was very evident. Even so, she was ecstatic and complemented my progress. I explained that this was actually a first as it had been previously impossible. Sod’s Law, since Thursday I haven’t managed to replicate it, but I’m hoping that’s just because my body’s recovering from all the walking that Debs had me doing. Overall she was very impressed, so has set me a new bunch of homework exercises including mini squats and step-ups. My next challenge is to walk into my next session without crutches, and walk up and down a flight of stairs without limping or hip hitching. I have eleven days before my next physio appointment and at this rate, I think my nine-month old nephew has more chance of accomplishing the milestone. He’s not far off taking his first steps so I’d say we’re near enough neck and neck at present.

Debs is still worried about my hip ‘popping’ and is voicing her concerns to Banksey so he can investigate when I see him on the 7^th March. I mentioned that I thought the PAO would correct the ‘popping’ out and Debs was of the same impression and reiterated that she hadn’t seen it with previous patients. She explained that if Banksey believes it is short-term (until the left hip was corrected and my legs were the same length again) then we will have to make the best of a less-than-ideal situation. Debs and I are of the same opinion: that the ‘popping’ is hindering a full rehab. However, she’s confident that we can work around it, and strengthen my hip sufficiently so it's ready for the next surgery in May.

My hip twin didn’t have trouble learning to walk again and thought I should contact Banksey because of my pain level. So I called the hospital but unfortunately he is away until the 7^th and there’s no one who can help me in the meantime so that was incredibly helpful. The NHS receives a lot of stick for negligence, and despite the terrible incidences I endured while staying at Guy’s, I’ve been the first to reassure people that the good experiences outweighed the bad. While the inpatient care may get my seal of approval, the aftercare is absolute bullsh*t and I would recommend everyone to go private. *Smiley face*

I’m very motivated and determined to complete my exercises and know that I will continue to progress, but I’m not yet convinced that I’ll be off the sticks when I see Banksey again. He’s expecting to see no crutches so I can just imagine his shock if I’m still reliant on even one of them. -In which case I'm sure he’ll be forced to postpone the next surgery too.

The good news is I have something other than more surgery to look forward to – a holiday! Whether I can walk or not, Andy and I have booked a little trip to see his cousin in Abu Dhabi in three weeks’ time. I’ve told myself that I need a holiday before, but after spending the entire winter confined to the same bricks and mortar, I now know the true feeling of needing a holiday and I can’t wait!

Week 11

Let me start by clearing up my physio situation. I’ve had no PAO-specific physio since my final hydrotherapy session with Deborah, two weeks after surgery. I did have two soft tissue/massage physio sessions (mainly to relieve my chronic back pain), and I’ve been completing the same exercises that were initially prescribed in the pool and on land this entire time. Along the way, I have added exercises of my own and that’s where the ‘self-physio’ came in. Especially after what’s come to light this week, I’m absolutely disgusted that the NHS can’t provide a physiotherapist post-discharge who can help PAO patients.

This week I have experienced my ultimate low since surgery. It’s the first time that I’ve cried like a baby since October when I had my pre-op jitters. Obviously I’ve cried since the op, but this week, I’ve blubbed! Let me explain…

Last week I paid for my final hydrotherapy self-help session, as I felt that I’d achieved all that I could in the water. While in the waiting room, I managed to catch Debs for a quick chat and she asked about my land-based physiotherapy. I explained the NHS/Tolworth physiotherapy fiasco and that I felt very let down and lost. We mutually decided that I should make an appointment with her to check my progress. Except for the physios at Guy’s Hospital, Debs is the only physio around here to have any, let alone extensive, experience with PAO patients, so I felt it was time to bite the financial bullet and pay for a session.

I had my session with Debs and spent much of the session fighting back tears. Every time Debs noticed my eyes fill up, she would remind me of the positive progress I’ve made: my rotational movement; my hip flexion; and my overall strength. However, all I could think about were the negatives.

Like any initial physio session, it began with a general assessment. Debs requested that I walk to her with one crutch, without crutches and had me stand on my right leg. I thought she was bonkers, but very reluctantly, did as she asked. It was the first time that I fully weight-beared in eleven weeks, and when I attempted to walk without crutches and stand on my right leg, it was absolute agony in the side of my hip. She then had me doing lots of standing, sitting, lying exercises which highlighted a number of things: mainly, that I’m nowhere near where I should be. Debs reassured me that my shortcomings were through no fault of my own and that I’ve been doing the correct exercises, but at this point down the line, she is concerned as to why the pain is so intense (when fully weight-bearing) and why I’m not capable of taking a few steps without crutches.

There were certain things Debs asked me to do which caused an uncomfortable ‘popping’ of my hip joint. Now, this has been happening all of my life, and I was under the impression that the ‘popping’ out, or the subluxation of the hip joint, was caused due to my dysplasia, and therefore it wouldn’t occur after reconstructive surgery. However, it’s amplified the ‘popping’ and I’ve been aware of this since day three post-surgery when the physios got me onto my feet for the first time. I’ve gone through worrying periods, to finally convincing myself it was fine and that it was only occurring due to my leg length discrepancy. Debs could hear and see the ‘popping’, which happens mostly when ‘walking’, and agreed with my earlier thoughts: it was not normal and she was very worried. Although it doesn’t exactly hurt when it ‘pops’, the intense pain I feel while attempting to fully weight-bear, occurs in that exact location. Her concern is that something could be wrong with the hip joint itself which is preventing my progression. If I’m in the same position next week, she will voice her concerns to Banksey. In the meantime, she’s given me more exercises to complete daily, alongside my previous ones and the bike, and she’s advised that I revert back to two crutches for the most part, whilst taking a few short crutch-less steps a day to monitor the pain.

There was me thinking I could possibly get away with one physio session but unfortunately, I’m going to have to fork out for quite a few if I’m ever going to walk again. Debs also predicted that I’m in no position to get my left hip operated on in April. It’s not what I wanted to hear but I know she’s right. Luckily, I spoke with the hospital this week and my surgery has been moved back to May anyway (with the date to be confirmed soon) so that at least gives me ten weeks to try and fix this crappy hip.

I feel this ‘popping’ at least eighty times a day so I know it won’t vanish on its own, so Deborah’s concern does scare me a little – hence some of the tears. Although, via little self-conducted experiments, I’ve figured out that if I elevate my left leg (so my hips are level) and perform the recommended exercises, it alleviates the ‘popping’. This reaffirms that the leg length discrepancy is a contributing factor. However, I can’t avoid the ‘popping’ while walking; whether it’s with or without crutches.

Whether the hip ‘popping’ is due to an anatomical issue or just short-term until the leg length discrepancy is rectified, I believe it is preventing an efficient rehab, which may explain the lack of progression in terms of walking, and the excruciating pain associated with full weight-bearing and crutch-less walking. I feel like it’s a lose lose situation because if something is anatomically incorrect then that could lead to yet more surgery, whereas, if it’s the leg length, then my right hip will not fully recover until my left hip is operated on and my left leg is longer, by which point I’ve got two buggered hips. – Hence some more tears.

Debs recommended that I resume pain relief to cope with the new exercises and walking, and despite returning to high doses of paracetamol and ibuprofen, I’m in daily unbearable pain. The pain is on par with what I experienced in the first two weeks after surgery: granted I’m not on the strong stuff, but still, 11-weeks post op and I did not expect this level of pain. So what if my range of movement is great, this absolutely sucks and I’m on the brink of giving up and becoming a professional couch potato.

This week, I’ve cried a small river, which is nothing compared to the ocean I cried while dreading surgery, but if when I see Debs next week and there’s still no progression, I forecast further flooding. Had I received some PAO-expert help sooner, this almost certainly would’ve been identified and prevented a lot of negative emotions and feelings.

While tempted at the thought of being a sedentary spud for life, I haven’t given up just yet; I will happily pop some more morphine if that’s what it takes to do these exercises though. My check-up with Banksey has been moved back to the 7^th March, which is a little frustrating but it does give me an extra week. However, if I still can’t walk by then, I know I’m up sh*t creek and that’s when I’ll throw in the towel.

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Conveniently for me, I thoroughly enjoyed drowning my sorrows in pancakes on Shrove Tuesday, and my darling Valentine brought a smile back to my face on Thursday with these:

I may have crap hips, but I'm still a lucky girl.

P.S. Apologies for any ‘pooping’ that occurred in the writing of this post. Please let me know if I’ve misspelt any ‘popping’s.

Week 10 Post Surgery

You may have gathered from my previous post that last week was quite a struggle as the ever-growing odds seemed to be stacked against us. It was probably my second real low point (behind Christmas Eve) since the journey began on the 26^th November last year and I found it hard to snap out of it. The freedom that I desperately wanted and succeeded in having on returning from Newcastle wasn’t at all what I’d envisioned. For the first time in 11 weeks (including my week in hospital) I found myself alone for 10 hours of the day and honestly, it was pretty depressing. I got into this vicious circle of watching TV to ‘cure’ boredom, which in turn made me more bored so I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything except watch more cruddy TV. – I’m dreading the electricity bill!

Between ad breaks from the likes of Teen Mom, Geordie Shore, America’s Next Top Model, Keeping up with the Kardashians, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills/O.C., and my new favourite, Catfish, I tried desperately to figure out what I could do with my significant amount of spare time. Roughly 20 hours of television later I settled on two potential options: learn a language or write a book. While one may seem more realistic, the other is actually more plausible. My 2012 New Year’s Resolution was to learn German and like most NYRs, it was long forgotten by February. Foreign languages are definitely something that my brain can’t get its head around but as I scraped a pass in GSCE German, I reckoned the head start could be my best shot. Although, I’ve heard Spanish is considered an ‘easy’ language to learn, and I know plenty of friends who can speak fluently (hip twin), so could be a frontrunner with German. I've briefly looked into online courses/becoming acquainted with Rosetta Stone but with my previous less-than-impressive language experiences, the book definitely seems more plausible. Writing this blog has been really fun, but there is a fatal floor to my grand plan: I don’t read. The first book I read was Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone about 10 years ago. The second and last book I read was My Sister’s Keeper about 7 years ago so I’m not entirely confident that I’m ‘qualified’ to write a book. I’ve bought a few books and tried to read them but if it doesn’t interest me in the first few pages, it soon ends up gathering dust. I generally enjoy reading and would like to read more, but I’m impatient and just want to fast-forward to the ending. – Not too dissimilar to my life at the moment: I would love to click my fingers, skip through my next operation and see how everything pans out, but c’est la vie.

When Saturday finally arrived, it brought with it a parcel in the post. An old Uni friend working in publishing had offered to send me a free copy of a new book. Not only is it embarrassing to admit you don’t read, but I thought this incredibly generous offer was just the thing to stop me turning on the TV, and instead, turn me into an actual reader. When I opened the package there was a lovely little note and a surprise... The Author had visited and signed a copy to me (well, to my hip).

I felt instantly overwhelmed and it was just the act of kindness I needed to snap out of my near manic-depressive state. It was so sweet and thoughtful that I couldn’t not, read the entire book; especially as it was published by Penguin! (http://www.penguin.co.uk/). So, after incorporating it into my daily routine, I’m pleased to announce that I’ve almost finished reading my third book. It’s actually really good and I force myself to put the book down after a few chapters each morning to prolong my new routine. I think next week I might read the book I received for Christmas :)  Whether it was the book or the act of kindness, my whole mood has definitely perked up since Saturday so thank you Andrea and John Green!

After careful consideration we have decided what to do concerning our living arrangement debacle. Despite not having a surgery date yet, it’s more than likely due to happen in April so the plan, as it stands, is to move back to Reading at the end of March. That way it’s easier for the Papa Smurf to take care of me second time around and we can save a few pennies. I am a firm believer in “Everything happening for a reason” and as we live in a lovely flat in prime location next to Richmond Park, the reason must be to save money. Our tenancy not being renewed has to be seen as a blessing in disguise so that we can squirrel away some money and rebuild our savings. Plus, I will have fewer qualms about the extortionate prescription costs.

The other good news this week is that I’m no longer in daily pain again. My suspicions regarding the cold weather must’ve been correct. The 3-week, 50% weight-bearing period since seeing Banksey has now lapsed which means I’m now up to 80% weight-bearing. As I have taken on the role of self-physio, I took it upon myself to use only one crutch while moving around the flat. Albeit a little wonky and awkward, so far so good. I’ve also got behind the wheel and it’s completely painless. *Freedom at last!!* On the few car trips that I’ve made, I still take both crutches as it’s generally easier and quicker to walk with two. Not to mention that stairs would be a nightmare with one. I’ve included some basic rotational movements into my exercise regime to the point where I can comfortably sit cross-legged now. And lastly, I’ve been using the Bio-oil again. At the start of this week there was a painful inflamed lump next to my scar which resembled that of another infection (above pic). Luckily it has gone down by itself (below pic) and the Bio-oil can start to work its magic.

Hopefully my pelvis has reconnected now or is very close to joining up. My next check-up is in 3 weeks so I won’t know for sure until I have the X-rays then. I’m also having my pre-operative assessment on the 1^st March which is exactly 6 months after my first pre-op assessment. It’s kind of strange how fast, yet slow that time has gone by. I was recounting my hospital experience to someone this week and couldn’t believe that it was 2 ½ months ago. I think it’s still too early to conclusively say that “I’m glad I had the surgery.” Not that I had much of choice in the situation, but the aim was to improve quality of life. 2 ½ months post-surgery and my quality of life is still currently worse although I know my hip needs more time to regain strength. I doubt that I’ll know until the end of the year whether it was absolutely the right decision but I’m remaining positive, and unlike my usual book-reading approach, I’ll have to be patient. In the mean time, do I learn a language or write a book...

My two gorgeous boys last weekend